My pal, Lamont, makes common ground with the deplorables

Part of a continuing series of chitchats from the forbidden corners of U.S. political beliefs and polite society

The series includes “Conversations with the still-married-but-not-to-me-girlfriend”, “Conversations with the Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan”, and “Conversations with my pal, my dog Lamont.” Here is the first of “Conversation with an American Nazi.”

By Nate Thayer

March 15, 2017

 

Him: Barker bonded out (referring to the Imperial Wizard of the Loyal White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan who was released from jail recently and is awaiting trial on charges of attempted murder)

Me:  Yes, I know

Him: I wonder when he is going to get his imperial robe colors changed to prison orange.

 Me: Did you hear about the new so-called Imperial Wizard they appointed? I just got a hold of the man’s criminal record. It is longer than Barker’s, including well over a dozen drunk driving charges, first degree rape, indecent liberties with a child, burglary, larceny, possession of a weapon on school property.–I haven’t even read all the way through because it is too long

Him: LOL, you have to do an article on him. LOL

Me: Right. “The indecent liberties with a child” conviction and 1st degree rape conviction would seem against the rules for the public face of any organization—even the Loyal White Knights.

Him: Yes Sir. But they don’t have to follow their own rules.

 

Me: (I continue to read for the first time the man’s rap sheet) My God. The guy is a regular poster boy for giving the Klan a good image—there is another “assault on a child under 12 conviction”, “assault on a female”, passing worthless checks, and on and on. WTF was Barker thinking?

Him: He wasn’t. He was locked up for trying to murder someone. LOL

Me: (Still reading) communicating threats, failure to return rental property, a half-dozen more larceny convictions and a few dozen more driving while being an idiot charges

Him: HAHAHA, they know how to pick ’em.

Me: Habitual impaired driver, defrauding an innkeeper…..

Me: Did you see the LWK has a new list of banished members?

Him: I am waiting to make the LWK “banishment” list. They finally fixed the spelling of “banished” on their web page.

Me: I have a copy of their banishment list. 

Him: Nice. Am I on the Banished list? They say I sold the LWK out for 30 shekels.

Me: That would be 30 pieces of silver, but I will check. I don’t think you are banished, but you should be, and then you should frame that sucker

Him: I want to be banished from the LWK.

Me: Let me check the banishment list to see if you made the cut

Him: I hope I did. I was pissed when I missed the Anonymous list the first time around. I am on it now. LOL

 Me: Sorry. You fucked up. You aren’t on there. But I’ll tell you a quick way to get banished–me quoting you in an article. That would get you banished

Him: Have at it.

 

 

 

Him: I am also happy that the NSM (the National Socialist Movement) kicked out the LWK from the Nationalist Front.

Me: Right. (I sent him a photo of a neo-Nazi who lives in his area) Friend of yours? I am told he is with the Vinlander (motorcycle club).

Him: He used to be a big shot. He lives here but I have yet to meet him.

Me: Lots of people are big shots. Big shot why or with whom? Actually this is idle chitchat. I don’t need to know. 

Him: It is okay. You haven’t done anything wrong to me. I just haven’t met him. I hear he is trying to get a Klan going here but he doesn’t realize that I am the Klan around here. You cannot be Klan and a Odinist, and if he is a Vinlander, he most likely worships Satan with all the rest of them. 

(Authors note: There was no disrespect nor ill will meant towards the Vinlanders MC in the above comments, nor is there any intended towards anyone in this article. Quite the opposite: the whole point of the discussion is that we all can get along, and our differences are minor compared to our common ground. If we all respect each other and our right to believe and think what we do, everyone would be better off. Okay, carry on…)

Me: Is he Klan or not?

 Him: Not that I know of. I am the only active Klan around here and I don’t even belong to a group. We get credit for a lot that we don’t do. There is no Klan here besides me.

Me: LOL. That doesn’t make the Klan look like looming Mongol hordes massing on the border

Him: Yeah, because the Klan is a dying breed.

Me: Jeesh. You white power people change hats more than a 10-cent hooker changes her underwear.

Him: I may not belong to a Klan now, but I am still a Klansman.

Me: Gotcha

Him: I have not gone with another Klan because they are all BS.

Me: Are you a tad grumpy tonight

Him: Not really. I had fun today. Black Lives Matter were on campus and I did my Nazi salutes and some White Power shouts.

Me: Whatever floats your boat

Him: LOL. I would rather sink a boat with BLM supporters aboard.

Me: Who is “Bubba”?

Him: There are tons of Bubba’s around here.

Me: I am a straight journalist. I just need to get the facts to get the story straight. For example, no way would I publish their membership list unless there is a legit compelling news story that makes it Kosher (I chose the word Kosher just for you)

Him: I know, brother. I was just joking. I know that your sources are confidential and that is how they should stay.

Him: Commander is now Odinist, but he sticks to some Christian Identity beliefs.

Me: Ah gotcha. My beef with the Christian Identity set is they hate dogs

Him: I love my dogs but I am not CI. I am close, but both of my dogs sleep in my bed every single night. They are my kids.

Me: (quoting from one of my articles citing a Christian Identity preacher) “Jesus said, ‘Give not that which is holy unto the dogs.’ This is a racial message. The laws of God are holy. The administration in the Kingdom of God is holy. God makes this very, very clear when He said, ‘Give not that which is holy unto the dogs’ – and the words are ‘beasts of the field.’ The phrase, ‘beasts’ translates to ‘dogs’ in the Scripture. The ‘field’ is ‘the world’. The species that do not possess the spirit of the Living God are referred to as ‘beasts of the field,’ because they are not holy.”

Me: You need another faith than Christian Identity. What kinds of idiots believe that about dogs?

Him: I am a Bible believing Christian. A lot of what the Christian Identity people believe comes from a different book, not the Bible.

Me: Don’t complicate things. You will fuck up my narrative. As an old journalist told me once “Sometimes a story is too good to let the facts get in the way”

Him: LOL, I have heard that before.

Me: (I send him a link to my story “Lamont confronts Nazi protestors; meets power with smooches, poop-bags” where my pal, Lamont, organized an anti-Nazi counter demonstration to a group of his comrades who showed up at a local park near where I live)

Him: Lamont is awesome. He looks like a younger version of my Scooby.

 

Him: If anyone touches Lamont, I will gut them like a fish.

Me: I am serious about the CI thing about dogs

Him: I know. I love my dogs more than people. Honestly, if I had to choose between them and my girlfriend, I would pick my dogs all day long. Lol

Me: Yeah. Uh, I have actually done that before….

Him: They are the most loyal creatures on the planet. I would seriously kill someone who hurt my dogs.

Me: Yep. Me, too. And then you, Lamont and me would all be in Big Trouble. Maybe we could be cell mates

Him: I would fuck someone up over hurting Lamont, too.

Me: Lamont appreciates your loyalty

Him: When I heard about the LWK clowns threatening to cut Lamont’s head off, it made my blood boil.

 

Me: Honestly, they crossed the line when they did that. Not that I am worried about it, given Barker doesn’t even have a driver’s license, was wearing an ankle bracelet at the time, was prohibited from leaving the state of North Carolina by his probation officer, and I lived in a neighborhood where I was the only white guy and Barker does not have the balls to come anywhere near the sort of neighborhood where I live. Plus, Barker does not have my physical address. But still–what an idiot

 

Him: I love dogs and I always have. I used to catch strays in my neighborhood as a kid, and return them to their owner. If I didn’t live in an apartment, I would have a lot more than two dogs.

Him: I know we have different beliefs and values, but I do consider you a friend. If you are ever down my way and need a place to crash, let me know.

Me: Me, too. Thanks man. Can I bring Lamont?

Him: Absolutely.

 Me: Different views and the freedom to express them is what keeps us all free

Him: You should come to our next rally and we can drink some beer together. If you are interested, I could probably get you on one of our radio shows. Not as a White Nationalist or even a supporter, but someone who is just a journalist with neutral views.

Me: I don’t believe that would look good on my resume

Him: The rally will be the groups from the Nationalist Front. LWK is not included. Combat 18 is off that list now too.

Him: When I do run into people that claim they used to be Klan, they know nothing about the KKK. You know more about the Klan than most Klansman.

Me: Fuck, I hope so, given I have wasted the rapidly diminishing years of my youth trying to get a handle on you people

Him: You know a Hell of a lot more than the Southern Poverty Law Center

Me: The SPLC thinks I am bat shit crazy for talking with you people as if you are regular human beings.

Him: LOL, Mark Potok called me a few times and I told him I don’t talk to slimy Jews. I have no clue how he got my number.

Me: What is the problem you people have with Jews? I don’t get it. Have you actually ever met a Jew? I am guessing you wouldn’t know a Jew if they joined your group.

Me: I saw you tried to snooker the SPLC on the “We White Nationalists are voting for Hillary” thing too, huh? 

Him: Sure did. That was the only time I lied to you, brother. I am sorry about that but I had to do it.

Me: No worries. I knew you were lying through your teeth the moment you said it. I have spent most of the last 30 years waiting in obscure bars and hotel lobbies for someone to show up and lie to me. I am not a virgin to being lied to. But it is not a good idea to lie to a journalist. That rarely ends well for you people.

 

Me: Plus, that was a ridiculous idea. I can’t believe it got the news traction it did

Him: I know. I couldn’t get the motherfuckers to keep quiet about Trump.

Me: I don’t know who was more goofy–you people or the news media for falling for it. There is not a Klan member on the planet that voted for Hillary Clinton. C’mon!

Him: HAHAHAHA (sends me a photo of 4 white nationalist supporters by a highways holding signs). This was at the Hilary HQ when she got the nomination. Fucking morons can’t even hold their flags right.

 Me: Nice legs on the blonde chick though

Him: Yeah, all kinds of dudes were asking me about her. It rained later that night and I nick named her “Titty McNipples.” That chick has giant boobies.

Me: How quaint. What are you—in Junior High School? I am pretty sure you didn’t get laid that night.

Him: I did by my girlfriend.

Him: I still have a Hildabeast sign that I need to take to the gun range.

Me: Who is Hildebeast? Your ex?

Him:  No, HRC. The loser in the Presidential Election.

Me: Oh her

Him: My former candidate. LOL

Me: Right. You knucklehead

Him: It is interesting how the media blew that shit off for the most part, but crucified Donald Trump over David Duke.

Me: Blew what off? The “white supremacists support Hillary and the KKK donated 20k donation to Hillary” story? That would be because it was bullshit

Him: Black people actually bought it. It was a close race, and we needed everything we could get in swing states. I never said the $20K BS. I did endorse her though.

Me: Anybody who believed the Hillary–KKK thing deserved Trump to be president. Both them AND Trump are idiots, in my view.

Him: Well, at least Trump won’t be able to delete all of his Twitter posts. LOL

Me: Hey, the guy now lives in my neighborhood because of you. I got more helicopters flying all night long over my house now than I ever had while Obama lived here because you people are scaring the bejesus out of most of the planet.

Him: No, not because of me. I thought Twitter was permanent. Unlike the Hildabeast’s email server.

Me: Because I live near the Department of Homeland Security HQ. So thanks, pal

Him: Oh, it is my fault about the helicopters? LOL. Hahaha, my bad. Trump should put me in his cabinet.

Me: Right. I don’t think I would sleep better at night if you were. Your fault Trump is president=more helicopters=fucking up my sleep. I have more than a few friends who do super secret spy and security stuff and they say Trump has caused them more headaches than they have ever had with Obama

Him: Can’t be any worse than the fried chicken smell that the Obongo’s put off in your neighborhood.

Me: Oh hush. I can assure you the cuisine at Obama’s white house was better than either of us ever had in our life just as a midnight snack

Him: Malia is worth more than me, you, and all of WN’s combined. That is some garbage.

Me: Malia? What does she have to do with anything. She is 14.

 Him: Obongo’s daughter.

Me: Yeah I know who she is. Jeesh. What do you have against Malia?

Him: (sends me a link to a you tube video of Obama’s daughter at a teenage gathering with her friends at a music concert which shows her dancing). You can take the monkey out of the jungle, but you can’t take the jungle out of the monkey.

Me: Yeah, yeah. I saw that video. For Christ sake, she is a teenager at a concert. You got bigger problems than her

Him: I still don’t like her. Eve the KKKlinton’s ugly ass offspring didn’t behave like that.

Me: I am sure I behaved worse

Him: I can’t dance, so I know I never did that.

Me: Trump had more threats against his life the first month after he was elected than Obama did. And Trump is white

Him: I thought Trump was orange. It isn’t Trump causing them the headaches. It is the diaper baby snowflakes that can’t behave themselves in public.

 Me: Who in the LWK lives in Shelby, NC

Him: Some chick named Beth I think.

Me: Some chick named Beth? That is not helpful, pal

Me: So, who is this Beth chick in Shelby NC? Is there a Klavern there or just her? I am trying to figure out if they actually have any substantial membership left or whether it is collapsed

Him: Beth pretty much fell off the face of the earth. She was a pill head. She is probably a left over remnant that never quit because she was never active. I wanted to kick her out.

Me: There would be a lot of people kicked out of the Klan if messing with pills was a problem

Him: I watched three members smoke meth and they never got kicked out.

Me: I have no doubt. Meth is a problem all across white rural America and in every Klan I know of. Bathtub meth will bring you to your knees if you use it long enough

 Him: Amen. We went to a rally and I stayed at another members house for a few days. All they did was smoke meth the whole time. They are such a joke. They claim to be Christians and be all-pure and shit, but they are more fucked up than a crack whore sucking nigger dick for another rock.

Me: You can bet when they do banish you they will call you a meth head

Him:Barker probably wont even remember that conversation. He was always drunk as shit.

Me: Hey, nothing wrong with checking out the menu in life as long as you still are sane enough to decide if it is good for you in the longer run

 Him: I agree, but when you preach that White people are better than niggers because they do drugs and the “Klan” do not, it is kind of fucked up. It really took a toll on me for a while

Me: Barker was drunk last night

Him: Did you talk to him yesterday?

Me: No. I called him but it went to voice mail, but other people called him so I didn’t need to. Whenever I talk to him I have to hold the phone a foot from my ear because he screams nasty things at me, and then Amanda takes the phone from him and he screams more nasty things at me from the background

Him: Back in the day, you had to be a productive member of society to join the Klan. They don’t like niggers because they get more freebies than they do. Most people in the Klan are worse than the niggers that they hate. I hate to say it, but the Klan is a thing of the past.

Me: It certainly seems to be heading that way

Him: The National Socialist Movement is a lot better, lol. The Outlaws (motorcycle club) have a clubhouse here but I laugh at them too.

Me: Got it. Don’t laugh to loud or they might kick your butt

Him: I do it all the time. I gave one a business card and told him that if he was interested in belonging to a real group, to call me. LOL

Me: You far right-wing armed extremist types are hard to keep up with– who is with who and doing what for why. I should have become an assistant manager at Burger King. Life would be simpler

Him: I am 500% committed to NSM and don’t give a shit about biker gangs of shitty Klan.

Me: I hope your dogs are purebred or the enemy has penetrated the canines forward operating base

Him: LOL, They are pure dog. Both are mutts that I rescued from the pound.

Me: Good. Exactly my point. You best watch out one of your comrades doesn’t come in and poison them for you guys goofy idea of the greater good of the planet

Him: I will feed their balls to my dogs and make them watch if they even think about it. The little dog only has one eye. Some nigger beat the shit out of her and left her for dead.

 

Him: This whole White Nationalist thing really isn’t about hating other people. It is about cultural preservation. I know you have heard this many times, but it really is true.

Me: I know. I get the racial preservation thing. That makes more sense to me than most of the other rhetoric. But spare me the not hating other people thing, please. As in all your above comments, as in exhibits A-Z

Him: I really don’t hate them. I become enraged when other groups get to spew their rhetoric but when I say that I am proud to be White, I am declared a racist.

 Him: My down stairs neighbor is a beaner and a good friend. I don’t hate him, he just knows that I think he should keep his race to himself. I have kept him out of jail more than once.

Me: I am glad you have a “beaner” friend. How very tolerant and liberal of you

Him: The whole KKK thing is all fucked up now.

Me: I believe you. I get it. No worries. You don’t need to convince me

Him: I am heading to class now

Me: Good boy. Make sure to drink your milk and eat your cookie before you took a nap at recess

Him: Lol. The college version, I guess. No milk and cookies. Just beer and cigarettes,

 Him: Well, I need to head to class. I will talk to you later, brother

Me: Don’t forget your Snoopy lunch box with a PB&J and milk and a cookie

Him: LOL. I will be good.

Me: I bet.

Him: I may be able to talk on the phone via FB though, it is just anthropology.

Me: Is that the class that teaches you people about the Master Race and all

Him: It is the class that says you can be whatever race or gender you want.

Him: I hate this class.

Me: Is it because they teach that evolution and creationism are bunk? Or is it because they teach that Jesus was a black man?;)

Him: They teach evolution and don’t even mention Creation. She says race is non-existent. She is a college-educated retard.

Me: She is correct. They don’t teach creationism for the same reason they don’t say there is a Christmas citing a fat guy in a red suit flying through the sky with reindeer that lands on the roof and he comes down the chimney to leave milk, cookies, and stuff bought at Wal-Mart as proof to kids that Santa Claus exists

Him: If evolution were real, why wouldn’t dumb niggers have turned white and learned how to stay out of jail?

Me: That kind of comment is why you aren’t teaching the class and why you should pay attention to the professor

Him: Lol, I have an A. I just answer the opposite of what I believe. Let me get back to you, we have a quiz now

Me: When you get to the part asking if blacks and Jews and whites are equal, remember to check the ‘yes’ box or you will fail the class

 Him: Lol

Me: I got to walk Lamont. I will be back a bit later

Him: (sends me photos of his dogs)

Me: Those are a couple of good-looking mutts

Me: Alright, man. I got to hit the sack. I am pooped. Talk tomorrow

Him: Sounds good. You and Lamont have a good night .

Me: Thanks. I will pass on your regards to the mongrel

Him: Thanks, my dogs are waiting for me to go to bed. You tell Lamont that I said hello. Have a good night brother.

Me: Give them a smooch and a sincere snuggle. You have a good night, too, brother