My Ashley Madison Account Was Hacked and Someone Tried to Blackmail Me. This Was My Response…….

By Nate Thayer

September 28, 2015

Today, I received this email from “Robert” attempting to blackmail me if I didn’t send him three bitcoins in exchange for “Robert” not releasing “dirt” to my “family and friends and employer” from my Ashley Madison account.
It is, arguably, equally as amusing as pathetic.
“Dear Nate:
Unfortunately your data was leaked in the recent hacking of Ashley Madison and I know (sic) have your information. I have also used your user profile to find your Facebook page, using this I can now message all of your friends and family members.
If you would like to prevent me from sharing this dirt info with all of your friends and family members and your employers, then you need to send 3 bitcoin to the following BTC address: 1JeDGwyWQpuQZE6mfj2M7M1BWuAoLG4tE3”
So I responded:
“Robert”: Thanks for your thoughtful message giving me a heads up, but, honestly, I don’t give a shit. My friends and family members already suspect I am a social reprobate and, believe me, this development would neither come as a surprise nor would be high on the agenda of their more substantive concerns regarding my legitimate, genuinely alarming personal conduct.
In addition, my “information” on “Ashley Madison” amounts to me doing legitimate professional research. One has to sign up to access the website. It would, quite frankly, bore a nun, and, to my embarrassment, contains precisely zero titillating information.
Plus, I don’t have an employer. I have a personal rule; never have a boss in the same country. This might have contributed to me not having an employer anywhere on earth for some years now.
Further, I really don’t know what a ‘Bitcoin” is. But if it involves real cash money, I am afraid I don’t have any of that, either.
That means we are both fucked (and I suspect I speak metaphorically in your case), as it were, Robert, but I would submit you, Robert, would fit that description with a cleaner slam dunk than I.
However, if you are interested in my sexual shenanigans and peccadilloes, I do think inquiring of my FB friends very well might prove fruitful. At the least, this certainly could access a deep well of entertainment for many, although most likely not yourself.”
“Robert” continues:
“Consider how expensive a divorce lawyer is. If you are no longer in a committed relationship then think about how this will affect your social standing amongst family and friends. What will your friends and family think about you? You may be wondering why should you and what will prevent other people from doing the same? In short you now know to change your privacy settings in Facebook so no one can view your friends/family list. So go ahead and update that now (I have a copy if you don’t pay) to stop any future emails like this.”
Me to Robert:
“It is not clear why you have a rather odd fixation on my (pretty vanilla) sexual exploits, but there will be no divorce lawyers involved because, well, because I have never been married. As for the committed relationship thing, I have shown your missive to the GF who found it both entertaining and pathetic. She said, and I quote: “I think ‘Robert’ has penis size issues. Either that or he wants to fuck you. For the record, I am opposed to that.”
And, as for my “social standing amongst family and friends”, I am quite confident that this would remain static where it now resides–dormant. Very little would surprise them. If anything, they would likely be disappointed at how utterly virginal the non-existent “cache” of my “dirty little secrets” are. More likely, they would scoff at–and, honestly, I am a mite embarrassed by– the absence of any scandalous kink or lurid fetish.
As for changing my FB privacy settings, that won’t be happening. I am quite sure my FB friends would welcome the entertainment of future communications from the sordid likes of yourself, who–and I am trying to be polite here– I suspect is an unimpressive, greedy little wannabee sociopath, never having accomplished anything in life, and living in your mothers basement while sustaining yourself on family size bags of Snickers candy bars, almost certainly purchased at Wal Mart from the proceeds of your parental weekly allowance which, I am guessing, comprises the majority percentage of your net worth.”
“Robert” continues:
“You can buy bitcoin using online exchanges easily. If the bitcoin is not
paid within 3 days of 25 Sep 2015 then my system will automatically message all of your friends and family members. The bitcoin address is unique to you.
If you do not, What will your friends and family think about you?
Sincerely,
Robert”
Me to Robert:
“The more cogent question is: ‘What would they think about me if I did send you Bitcoins?’ They would rightly judge me an idiot.
But please do CC my entire list of family and friends, a considerable chunk of whom are genuine mercenaries, latent sociopaths, computer hackers, law enforcement and intelligence officers from both properly organized governments and rogue armed military groups, convicted felons, political extremists who openly advocate murder–if not genocide–of their opponents, and other assorted, motley, maladjusted, armed, God-fearing, Lone Wolf zealots with very bad attitudes and most likely, to a man, proponents of the contemptible likes of yourself being dispatched with extreme prejudice–preferably while forcing your immediate family to watch (or vice versa, depending on their mood at the time).
While I am a big fan of civil dialogue, I have no control over their ilk, and do not, as a rule, believe in interfering or judging others’ tactics to achieve larger strategic objectives. Or at least not in your case…..
Best of luck in your current and (likely very short) future endeavors.
Your new pal,
Nate Thayer